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By now you’ve lived enough years of life to understand that it’s full of twists, turns, and obstacles. As much as we all want things to be easy and fair, we know wishing for that is energy wasted. Why not re-purpose that energy to cultivate resilience so you can protect yourself against burnout? Yes, you are in control of how you handle the curveballs that come your way.
It can feel like the world is against you sometimes, right? It’s possible to see things differently and avoid being on the brink of giving up. Let’s talk about how to stop fighting the nature of life and, instead, learn to cultivate resilience. These skills will help you weather the storms of life and prevent burnout before it starts. Read on if you’re interested in a smoother ride through your life journey.
Am I the only one struggling over here?
Step one is to remind yourself that you are not the only person who struggles in life sometimes. We all do. There are two ways to look at this. One option is deciding that life is cruel, though this choice usually begins a process of slowly burnout out on responsibilities. The other choice is to take comfort in knowing everyone around you understands and experiences pain. You’re not alone at all. It can be hard to discuss challenges with even people you can trust, but I promise they will have some scars from setbacks.
The other thing to keep in mind here is that life is not a suffering contest. You might be bummed about a failed project at work when someone else just got laid off. Yes, things could always be worse. But I don’t find that mindset to be helpful. Negating your struggles only isolates you and keeps you from seeking solutions. It’s ok to be in pain even if it’s not limb-threatening pain. Your challenge is valid and deserves compassion. Please don’t fall into the toxic positivity trap or impose it on others.
Accept that challenges lie ahead
This sounds simple on its face. Ask anyone whether they think they’ll encounter setbacks in life and they’ll tell you, “Of course”. So why do we fight these challenges so intensely when they show up? The key is there’s a difference between knowing that problems will show up and accepting these problems. Acceptance is the route to protection from overwhelm and burnout. I’ll go on to explain more below that accepting isn’t the same as giving up and taking no action to address problems.
Accepting that challenges will arise requires the wisdom to take a beat when you’re feeling down. Stop and think. Did I expect to occasionally meet a bump in the road? Yes. Will I make it worse by fighting it? Yes. Recognize that letting your emotions take over is unlikely to improve the situation. It’s just a route to eventually giving up. Instead, put your energy into problem solving. You can even say to yourself, “I can’t go back in time and undo this thing I don’t like. But I can choose what I do next.”
What to do when you’re feeling some kinda way
In my day job, one of the issues that causes me pain again and again is the uncertainty of grant-funded work. I love that working in the non-profit world allows me to contribute to projects that are meaningful to me. But grants come with end dates and there always seems to be another one looming on the horizon. Sometimes this unstable ground gets me down and I begin to feel disengaged from my work. I’m not perfect at this, but I try to stop myself when I start wandering into “woe is me” land.
First, I simply recognize what I’m feeling. It’s sadness. Or anger. Or exasperation. There’s very little control we humans have over these feelings. Human brains create feelings in an instant. We’re powerless to stop feelings from arising – it’s just how we’re wired. The trick is to resist judging the emotion. It’s a waste of energy to fight sadness. It’s just there. I like to visualize sadness as an ocean’s wave crashing over me. If I struggle against it, I’ll get pulled under. If I let it act like a wave, it will wash over me and dissipate.
When you can stop fighting a negative emotion, you have the power to cultivate resilience and prevent the progression into a self-pity party. This is where the slippery slope to burnout stops.
Am I doing it wrong?
It sounds like a cinch to recognize an emotion in the moment and avoid fighting it. In reality, it is far from easy. So what does it mean if you do get caught up in a negative emotion? Are you failing?
Of course not. Feeling bad about the fact that you’re feeling bad will only draw you deeper into the emotion. You will then find it even more difficult to get out. Give yourself a break. Like it or not, life will give you another chance to practice with emotional waves crashing.
Life is hard. Now what?
Recognizing a difficult emotion and stopping to think gives you the opportunity to choose what to do next. We know that following an emotion into darkness isn’t helpful and drains energy. But now you can think of what would be helpful! This is where resilience is built.
In my example of uncertainty at work, I can think of several productive actions to take. I can chat with a trusted co-worker, recall the value my job brings to my life, or I can even daydream about a side hustle. Not because I’m thinking of leaving. Instead, there’s nothing wrong with being prepared for any outcome.
Which action I choose to take doesn’t really matter. The point is that I am in control and can take steps to more fully accept the (wonderful) life I have. This also keeps me from quitting suddenly in a fit of frustration and without a plan for what’s next.
Just be careful that the action you take doesn’t contain resistance. When you call a friend, it’s not time to complain about your job. Rather, take joy in the connection you have with that person. Keep in mind that when you act in resistance to your negative emotions, you create more chaos for yourself and others.
Cultivate resilience and prevent burnout
Change is the only constant in life, right? There’s so much we can’t control. But you know what? There’s often a lot that we can control. Learn to recognize the difference and put your limited resources into what you have the power to influence. Do what you can to create the environment that best supports whatever it is you need to be resilient and protect yourself from burnout.
You’re the expert on your own life and the only one who truly knows what conditions help you thrive. How do you want to feel during your days? Energized? Peaceful? Engaged? Maybe some of all of those things. Picture yourself going through the day feeling that way – what do your surroundings look and sound like? Who is with you? What’s on your schedule for the day?
Strength through small changes
How can you start small and get closer to the version of yourself that you pictured? This is the version of you who is the most resilient and protected from burnout. Can you make your physical environment more calming or efficient? Perhaps with your favorite music or with a scented candle.
In work situations, I often find it’s the systems around me that cause me challenges. If this is also the case for you, can you offer suggestions to streamline a particularly onerous process? Or maybe talk with your coworkers about the strategies they use to get around these roadblocks? This tactic is my favorite. It earns bonus points because it also develops bonds with your colleagues!
Cultivate resilience through self care
An essential part of creating a supportive environment is taking care of you. Pay close attention to what types of self-care work well for you. When you’re bogged down with problems, you may find you’re putting yourself last. Avoid this temptation! You’ll be best equipped to face challenges when you’re in a good headspace.
Review your habits around sleeping, eating, exercise, and mental wellbeing. Again, remember the rule to start with small changes to make improvements. Would taking a 5-minute deep breathing break from work once an hour be feasible and helpful? Could you go for a walk during that phone call to catch up with your best friend? For me, I know I’m most able to absorb the blows of the day when I exercise in the morning. I try to build that into my schedule every day I can.
Do I have to cultivate resilience all on my own?
No way! True resilience is a team sport. We all need a strong network of supportive people around us. There is much more to be said on this subject, but I doubt I need to convince you that having people to listen when you’re having a tough time is invaluable. These people are there to help you fill your well of resilience when you need it, then you return the favor another day.
Finding the right people for your network requires intention and discernment. It takes energy to develop trusting relationships. The benefits are well worth the work required. Just be sure you’re bringing people into your circle who understand that you’re looking for constructive support. Those who want to engage in a complaining contest need not apply. Seek people who help you see the positive and take action that will put you on a path to cultivate resilience.
Go forth and be resilient
You’re a survivor! Following the steps I’ve laid out will help you thrive, too.
Remember the world is not some devious plot against you. First, accept what you can and cannot control. Next, think deeply about the environment that will best set you up for success. Make small changes to create your most supportive environment and allow you the space for self-care. Build your resilience support network with care and watch burnout fade far into the distance.
P.S. I have much more to say about recovering from burnout, so stay tuned for future posts.
